r e s t l e s s n e s s . . .

       Something inside of me is starting to feel restless. Partly because I don't feel very "Beccca-y" anymore, and partly because I miss the short, refreshing adventures that gave me a break from the humdrum of daily life last year.
       I feel like I don't get to be myself. I feel slightly too common. All I do is go to school, do homework, go to work, and sleep. Markers, dictionaries, and journals are collecting a little too much dust. There's not any free time to set up a hammock and spend an hour doing Beccca stuff like I'm so used to. Part of that is okay and just necessary in this season of life. But also, having that time to fully be myself is very important. The lack of it leaves me feeling slightly unfulfilled and unsatisfied. I need some sort of outlet to express my manymanymanymany thoughts, opinions, and feelings. I need time to draw pictures and play with cardboard and sing as loud as possible. But I also need to understand that right now is different and busy, and sometimes I will not be able to do those things. 
       Another factor that comes into play is my eagerness for adventure. Last year was so exciting with new people, places, countries, and cultures. I got to do different things and smell different smells. I got to go on long plane rides and get stamps in my passport. I got to hear people praise God in so many different languages. This year is different. I'm in the same place I've always been. I'm with the same people each week -- with the same ministries each week. It's hard to adjust to this change. I find myself daydreaming before bed about the places I will travel to. I am ready to leave the U.S. again. I've researched opportunities and countries nonstop. I could go be a nanny for a missionary family overseas. I could go work on organic farms all around the world. I could apply to be a baker in Antarctica (although I'm not very good at baking). There's just so many options that get me excited and thinking. There's a plethora of summer internships and short-term mission trips I could sign up for. I've done my research. 

But while I know all of this, I also know that the only place I feel I'm supposed to be right now is where I am. It's hard sometimes, but it's good. 
Simply put, my Adventure Hat has been sitting in my closet a little too long.


Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 2, 2017 at 10:44 PM

    I love your enthusiasm and zest for life!

    May I offer a suggestion?
    Find one thing that is very much "you"-something that is your outlet-be it N afternoon strolling around checking out new stores or parks or something you love, and allow yourself to do it-even if it's just once a month!

    I was in a similar spot where I want quite feeling "me" any more, so I went and saw a movie...by myself...and it opened up the realization that it doesn't have to be a big event or excursion to help put me in a mindset of getting back to feeling like me...it can be something small that only takes a little time and little-to-no money!

    Make sure you take that time for yourself-even if it feels impossible-because otherwise, it might lead to burnout!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Becca BranderNovember 3, 2017 at 8:41 AM

      Thank you! I really agree with this advice. I've been trying to implement small things (even though there truly is hardly any time to). That's partly why I sat down and wrote this blog post last night rather than doing more homework -- and it's been good for me. Thank you so much for the encouragement, Kristen.

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